can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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