I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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