i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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