Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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