just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
