The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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