i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
