420 ftw
he thought i was a dude.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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