Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
