I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Randomize
