my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
