just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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