all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
