Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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