I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
