oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
