Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
