Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
