I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
