So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am