Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic