I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.