Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes