My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags