Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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