I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
