I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize