my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
