i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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