Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
