I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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