You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
