I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
