I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
