Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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