So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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