It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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