The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
