he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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