That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
