New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
