remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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