Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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