arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
