walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
