I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
