So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
