Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
