first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
