I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
