Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
