I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
