Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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