Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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