I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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