Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
