He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
