No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
