i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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