hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
