between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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