I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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