worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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