I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
