Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
