Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
