Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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