so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
