Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
