she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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