so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
