i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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