was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
