i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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