He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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