i barfeds in our rink
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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