He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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