If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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