yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize