Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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