She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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