Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
