thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
