I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
