Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize