It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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