Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
