you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
