He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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