Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
